How to KISS in Relationships?

in Screen

NOT as many or almost of you have thought...KISS means Keep-It-Simple and Short not the other meaning that pops up normally to our minds.

What irritates me the most in relationships, either those I went through or others around me, is that it takes both parties or one of them an age to set things clear.

They might both be attracted to each other and luck gets them both to the point that they really do love each other; chat everyday, hangout very frequently, they have so many common interests, they seem to have that CHEMISTRY, they talk and behave in ways that show that they're very very special to each other to an extent that takes them and people who knows about their story to think like "What the hell is hindering them to open up?"

The story may end up with one party taking the initiative and opening up and they turn into "Officially Couples", or it may end up with one party uncovering his true love and thrill for commitment while the other party -astonishingly- beg to be excused and withdraw, or it may even end up with both parties staying shut up, concealing their inner trueness and their love goes with the wind and is kept as long as their lives go in their memory storage with unanswered puzzling questions about what was that all about and where did it all go?

Reasons for that might be fear of commitment, fear of failure, passion with no logical acceptance, logical acceptance without passion and we can go through the reasons endlessly, but the point is we need to get things into the serious phase, but how?

How to KISS?

1-Knock Knock
If you feel attracted, knock the other party's door one, two, three, four times. Screen responses, if you see "I am here, come in" attitude, move to step 2. If you don't see any welcoming attitude, stop knocking turn around and wait for/search for the next door i.e. the next attraction.

2-Confession and setting expectations
In the way you see suitable say it -verbally- very clear that way "I am attracted, I am interested to get to know you more, we might get along together smoothly or we may not have the chemistry that drives for a life time commitment, can we be friends for sometime so that we get to know each other more as friends?" If there's a mutual interest, move to point 3, if not withdraw.

P.S:
*Make sure you're setting the right expectations, so as not to let the other party think like you're being infinitely in love. Make it clear that you might not be together in the end according to how things will work out. If you skip this step, it will be much harder to have access on many things that can guide you in your relationship and you won't guarantee if the other party is aligned and working on the same thing.

*Don't beg for love, keep your dignity. We might meet some people whom we think are just the perfect match but they are NOT truly as long as fate doesn't get us together in the end.

3-Time frame
Making things easier, agree on a time frame during which you'll get to know each other no matter how long or short it is. When time is due, sit together and evaluate whether you'll let go, move on officially or will need to extend the time frame

4-Selection Criteria
Some people may spend a very long time not knowing what they really want; they may even get strongly emotionally attached without knowing what specifically attracts them in the other party or how much are they compatible, which drives them to stay in an ambiguous anonymous relationship . Some people may base their decision only on emotional acceptance with no any clear criteria for their partner in mind.
Make sure you have a criteria you're comparing this person to and know what are the areas you need to explore in this person to be able to make a decision.

P.S:
*Your criteria should be categorized into:
a- Must haves (These are things you cannot sacrifice in your partner)
b- Must not haves (These are things you cannot ever accept in your partner)
c- Good to have but not bad not to have

*Your partner is a package, you'll find strengths and weaknesses, things you like and things you don't like but if you choose this person, make sure you accept him/her unconditionally as a package and that you accept anything from them.

5-Screening
After visiting your criteria, you will find it much easier to screen your candidate. When we know what we want we can identify if it's there or not, but if we don't know what we want, chaos dominates and we never reach anywhere in the relationship.

Best things in screening is to keep the transparency and honesty in the context and agree on that from the very beginning. Playing games and teasing each other and concealing your truth or hiding some of the positives or negatives of you is not a very good idea. During screening, both parties need to know the truth about each other, so let this be.

Screen the past, the present and their potentials for the future. Screen their wording and expressions, their behaviors and actions, their craziness and calmness. Screen their mental, emotional and spiritual side. Screen by observing or by asking or by acting.

6-Detach-attach
By this time, there's possibly some kind of attachment between both parties. If you find yourselves compatible and willing to move to "officially couples" you've got to test your feeling first, you've got to test your passion.

So take the time to detach, agree on the time frame for detaching, for example, a week or something. If you're missing each other and cannot stand all that time detached, then re-attach again. And Good Luck.

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Marwa Fakher has 1 articles online

Best wishes,
Marwa Fakher

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How to KISS in Relationships?

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This article was published on 2010/04/01
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